Wanted Dead Or Alive

$500 Reward

For information leading to the death, or capture, of the outlaw pictured above. He answers to the names "Internet Explorer", "Thrill Killer", and "No Dice." This bandit was last seen frustrating a PC user to death on the Information highway. He often travels alone, but runs with the Windows gang. They are all armed and exremely dangerous. Report any strange computer freezes, program shutdowns, or reboots, to the sheriff's office. We are putting up a fight against these criminals. So join the posse that now meets in town once a week. 

Sheriff Dan

Howdy, I'm yer new lawman. I guess you wonder why I'm so nervous. That holistic poster tells the story. It's a picher of the Internet Explorer lurin' an innocent program to its death. This hombre is bad med'cine, and he's on the loose inside your PC right now. The Hole In The Head gang is headin' this way directly to join up with'em. Winders 98 just hit a program out of Carson City. I hear tell the gang is formin'agin, and it'll be in our territory in the year 2000.It's too late to stop'em now, so I'm tryin' ta round up a posse to head'em off at Users gulch in 2002. We is teachin our citizens how to outfit their machines, so we can made a stand right now. We is fight'in a holdin' action against Winders 2000 presently, so stay put with Winders 98 until we know what we's deal'in with. If the past is any teacher, we think that it'll be worst than ever.

Are you man, or women enough to join me? You folks has got to stand up for what's right! They's taken land that don't rightly belong to'em. They don't buy PCs for ya'll, so why let'em ride rough shod over ya? If ya learn some programming, and technical stuff, you can driv'em ofen your land.

The mayor asked me to go over our laws . I'm not a man of many words, so we'll keep this short. Keep your shootin' irons ready, you never know when the Explorer might pop up. ya might wanna use the troubleshootin part of the page before we start.

  1. Settlers have to put up a shack, (home page) in two months
  2. Ya gotta go to town meetin's, or have a good excuse
  3. No swearin' or dance hall gals without nothin' on
  4. Smartville don't allow no flamin', or perverts.
  5. Ya got'sa come to meetin's and raise your telegraph pole one hour a week.
  6. If'en somebody has pitchers, or links on their page, you caint rustl'em.
  7. Ta eat, you got to put somethin in the pot. Ya got to scout for free software.

That bout covers everythin'. If you see this bandito, make sure you're carrin' Netscape, or another browser, with a full load of cunnin'. They're the only thang's what can slow'em down long enough fer'ya to find cover. Before I go, anybody got any beef jerky? I'm hungin' a bear in spring. Once you throw up your lean to, ya might give me an invite for vittles. I don't rightly cotton to town folk, but ya'll is different. Seein' as you're tender feet and all. I'll protect you until more wagons arrive. I know this gang like the back of my hand.

I sure hope some folks gits here quick. We could use more guns, and I'd kinda like soppin' some buscuits in pan fried gravy. There ain't been no flour round these parts since The Hole In The Head gang hit the stage out of Dodge. I'm hankerin' for the good old days when a man could eat what he wanted without his computer chokin', or rebootin'. We's waiting for Winlinux to ride to the rescue, or for Microsoft to do the right thing.

I askin' every red blooded man and women ta sign the guest book in my office. We need all the help we can git to drive these outlaws often our land. The town will pay provide all the software bullets, and grub stake ya'ta free training till me corner this fugitive. So vist the town regular, that's why it was built.

I gotta get back ta Look Out ridge. I see a cloud of dust acomin' this way. I hope it ain't the long rider's from Winders 2000! We got enough trouble with 98. I done ran most of its slow clunky applications out'ta the county, but they swore they'd bring the whole gang back.

Adios, and good luck! Ya gonna need it! If ya join the posse we can swap stories bout how to outsmart these bandits, and their hired gun.. Any help you can give will be appreciated. We's got to band together to protect our kin and property.